It’s officially the month of LOVE and while Valentines Day is often focused on couples, I’ve put together a Self Love series that puts the focus back on YOU. I want to encourage YOU to truly become your own BFF!

Being your own biggest supporter, your own biggest cheerleader is 100% possible.

Healthy, loving relationships start with YOU.

Having the ability to show up wholly in our relationships is key. Once you can do that you can fully show others love.

The first step to getting there? LOVING YOURSELF FIRST.

The Importance of Self-Love and Putting Yourself First

I’ve been doing a lot of inner work lately taking courses on self-empowerment and self-development. One thing that gets mentioned over and over again is our internal dialogue, basically, how we speak to ourselves (talking to yourself isn’t a bad thing!).

When’s the last time you thought about your internal dialogue?

Do you build yourself up and celebrate the little wins or do you criticize and berate yourself? Remember, self-love is key. Self-love will not only propel you forward in life, it will keep you positive as well!

Would you seek out a friend who spoke to you the way you speak to yourself internally or would you run for the hills to avoid the negativity?

Creating a positive dialogue with yourself is a major step towards becoming your own best friend and finding happiness.

Lately I’ve noticed a negative dialogue running through my head. It’s nothing new, I’ve been doing this for years. I’m very hard on myself (aren’t we all our own worst critic?) and I know I’m not alone! I’ve been working towards being more aware of my own internal dialogue and slowly, over time, I feel I’m improving. I’m working on it, it’s a work in progress.

Why it’s important to be a work in progress

It took many reminders from various coaches and personal development courses to make myself pay attention and become more aware of this process. I needed to take action, I knew the negativity wasn’t healthy.

Once I started paying attention I noticed the negative dialogue in my head varied between big stuff and little things too and trust me, the subconscious is listening to every word!

I was AMAZED at how quickly I would mentally berate myself.

I walked away from the toaster and burnt the toast. ”Gosh you’re stupid Brenda, pay attention! “

A project didn’t go over well at work. “You’re such a failure!”

I accidentally broke a dish. “How could you do that, you’re so careless!“

These are just a few examples of the negative crap running through my head.

The subconscious hears every word. 

Over time we start believing what we’re saying to ourselves. Negative self-talk is a bad habit that will consistently drag you down into a sea of self doubt, fear and unhappiness.

Since I’ve been consciously trying to change my self dialogue I’ve seen some truly amazing shifts happen!

Whenever I catch myself speaking negatively to myself I STOP it. I identify it for what it is: negative self talk. I then try to reframe it or debunk it.

Was I really stupid for burning toast? 

No, burning toast doesn’t make me stupid. I was trying to do too many things at once and the toast got burnt. That doesn’t make me stupid or any less intelligent.

Am I really a failure if a project doesn’t succeed? No, the project itself might not have gone well but what is the take away? What can I learn from it for future success? One less-than-profitable experience doesn’t make me a failure.

Was I really careless for breaking that dish? No, I try to take care of the things I have but accidents happen, that’s why they’re called accidents and experiencing an accident doesn’t make me a bad person.

Making a conscious effort to change this negative dialogue has been a real steppingstone towards creating a more positive mindset, more confidence and more happiness in my life.

My own self-love is growing stronger every day.

I really believe that developing positive internal self talk is the biggest, most loving thing you can do for yourself. It’s the ultimate in self-love.

You CAN believe in yourself, and you should. Once you start talking to yourself like a loving, kind friend you start becoming your biggest cheerleader, your own true BFF!

The next time you’re tempted to berate yourself or put your happiness last, STOP. While we may not be able to eliminate harmful self-talk and its negative impact entirely, we sure as heck can do our best to shut it down and reframe it with LOVE!